December 14, 2024 • 57min
Stop Doubting Yourself: 5 Tips to Boost Your Confidence
The Mel Robbins Podcast
Key Takeaways
- Confidence is not a feeling - it's a skill that can be learned and developed through consistent action
- The definition of confidence is "the willingness to try" - it's about taking action before you feel ready
- Confidence is built through the "confidence-competence loop" - trying leads to learning which builds competence
- You cannot lose confidence - you can only block yourself from accessing it by stopping trying
- Confidence requires embracing imposter syndrome as a sign you're pushing yourself to grow
- Five key tools for building confidence:
- Take action using the 5-Second Rule
- Create an alter ego/future self
- Prepare and practice
- Reframe challenges as preparation for future opportunities
- Focus on yourself, not others
Introduction
In this episode, Mel Robbins breaks down the science of confidence and provides actionable tools for building genuine confidence. She explains that confidence isn't something people are born with - it's a skill that anyone can develop through consistent practice and willingness to try new things. The episode combines research insights with practical strategies listeners can implement immediately.
Topics Discussed
Understanding True Confidence (0:00)
Mel opens by addressing the common misconception that some people are naturally confident while others aren't. She explains that:
- Confidence is not an innate trait but rather a skill that can be developed
- True confidence comes from within and is different from external swagger or bravado
- Anyone can build confidence regardless of their starting point or personality type
"These people, they are not special. Confidence isn't just something that some people are born with. It is built over time." - Mel Robbins
The Definition of Confidence (15:00)
Mel provides her research-based definition of confidence:
- Confidence is the willingness to try - it's about taking action before feeling ready
- Confidence is not a feeling - it's embodied in action
- The confidence-competence loop shows how trying leads to learning which builds confidence
"Confidence is not a feeling. Confidence is embodied in action. My definition of confidence is confidence is the willingness to try." - Mel Robbins
Mel's Personal Journey with Confidence (23:49)
Mel shares her own struggles with confidence earlier in life:
- Had severe anxiety about public speaking throughout school and early career
- Would get visible neck rashes from nervousness when speaking in court as a lawyer
- Built confidence gradually through consistently pushing herself to try
- Now one of the most requested public speakers globally
Three Myths About Confidence (33:57)
Mel debunks three common misconceptions about confidence:
- Myth #1: Confident people are the loudest/most extroverted
- Myth #2: Confidence is built when winning
- Myth #3: You can lose confidence
"Confidence has nothing to do with swagger. It has nothing to do with how much you talk or blab on and on in class." - Mel Robbins
The Five Tools for Building Confidence (46:03)
Mel outlines five practical tools for developing confidence:
Tool #1: Take Action
- Use the 5-Second Rule to push through hesitation
- Count 5-4-3-2-1 and move within 5 seconds
- Courage comes before confidence
Tool #2: Create an Alter Ego
- Use objectivity to distance from self-doubt
- Ask "What would [role model] do?"
- Act as your future confident self
Tool #3: Prepare and Practice
- Practice reduces stress response
- Preparation builds competence
- Every rehearsal is an opportunity to try
Tool #4: Reframe Challenges
- View everything as preparation for future opportunities
- Learn from failures and setbacks
- Use challenges to build resilience
Tool #5: Focus on Yourself
- Stop comparing to others
- Take responsibility for your growth
- Curate social media intentionally
Social Media and Confidence (54:33)
Mel addresses how social media impacts confidence:
- Social media itself is neutral - impact depends on how we use it
- Curate feeds intentionally based on goals and desired mindset
- Only follow accounts that inspire and uplift rather than create self-doubt
- Be authentic in what you share rather than seeking validation
"Delete every account that you follow, write out what your goals are, how you want to feel, and then curate a list of accounts that you follow based on their alignment with the way that you want to feel." - Mel Robbins
Conclusion
The episode concludes with an empowering message that confidence is everyone's birthright and can be developed through consistent practice of the five tools provided. Mel emphasizes that building confidence requires embracing discomfort, being willing to try new things, and focusing on personal growth rather than external validation. The key is to take action consistently, learn from experiences, and maintain faith that every challenge is preparing you for future opportunities.