Loading...
February 6, 2025 • 1hr 11min
How to Create the Life You Want: Lessons From the #1 Happiness Researcher
The Mel Robbins Podcast
Dr. Judith Joseph is a double board-certified psychiatrist trained at Columbia University and NYU. She is the founder of Manhattan Behavioral Medicine where she and her team conduct clinical research trials. Through her Happiness Lab research, she has identified key factors that separate those who are flourishing from those who feel stuck or overwhelmed.
How to Create the Life You Want: Lessons From the #1 Happiness Researcher
0:00
-0:00
Key Takeaways
- Dr. Judith Joseph's research has identified 5 V's Framework that are essential for happiness:
- Validation - Acknowledging and accepting your feelings
- Venting - Releasing emotions in healthy ways
- Values - Identifying what truly matters to you
- Vitals - Taking care of your physical and mental wellbeing
- Vision - Planning for and looking forward to the future
- These 5 V's help remove hidden obstacles blocking access to happiness and create a personalized blueprint for wellbeing
- Women experience twice the rate of depression and anxiety compared to men due to biological, psychological and social factors
- Happiness is not a singular destination but rather an accumulation of positive sensations, experiences and "points of joy"
Introduction
Dr. Judith Joseph is a double board-certified psychiatrist trained at Columbia University and NYU. She is the founder of Manhattan Behavioral Medicine where she and her team conduct clinical research trials. Through her Happiness Lab research, she has identified key factors that separate those who are flourishing from those who feel stuck or overwhelmed.
Topics Discussed
Understanding True Happiness (4:08)
Dr. Joseph explains that happiness looks different for everyone. For her personally, happiness comes from feeling connected to others and creating purpose through helping people. She emphasizes that we should thank ourselves for being curious about improving our happiness.
- Happiness is not just about external achievements like houses, cars, or jobs
- Many people achieve external success but still feel empty inside
- True happiness requires understanding the science behind what makes you personally thrive
- Being curious and open to learning about your own happiness is the first step
The First V: Validation (22:29)
The first and most important V is validation - acknowledging and accepting how you truly feel. Dr. Joseph shares that even as an Ivy League-trained psychiatrist, this was one of the hardest skills for her to develop.
- "We invalidate how we feel all of the time. We say 'I'm fine, I'm okay' but we don't acknowledge our stress"
- Validation allows you to:
- Identify root causes of feelings
- Stop gaslighting yourself
- Break patterns of avoidance
- Take the first step toward change
- Simple ways to practice validation:
- Ask yourself "How do I really feel?"
- Look in the mirror and be honest with yourself
- Write down your emotions
- Use emotion charts if needed
The Second V: Venting (33:04)
Venting involves releasing emotions in healthy ways after acknowledging them through validation. Dr. Joseph emphasizes there are productive and unproductive ways to vent.
- Healthy venting options include:
- Prayer/spiritual practice
- Therapy
- Creative expression (art, music, writing)
- Talking to trusted friends/family
- Avoid:
- Trauma dumping
- Venting when highly emotional
- Overburdening others
- Start with self-venting before sharing with others
- Check in with regular listeners to ensure the relationship stays balanced
The Third V: Values (41:29)
Values involves identifying what truly matters to you and brings meaning to your life, beyond surface-level achievements.
- "When I felt full and really purposeful, these were the times when I was helping others"
- Deep values vs shallow values:
- Deep: faith, family, meaningful causes
- Shallow: money, material possessions
- Ways to identify your values:
- Recall when you felt most fulfilled
- Think about childhood activities you enjoyed
- Consider who you admire and why
- Imagine what you'd want to be remembered for
The Fourth V: Vitals (48:10)
Vitals focuses on taking care of your physical and mental wellbeing as the foundation for happiness. Dr. Joseph teaches her daughter "How many bodies did God give you? One. What do we have to do with it? Take care of it."
- Key aspects of vitals:
- Nutrition and anti-inflammatory foods
- Quality sleep
- Regular movement
- Limiting screen time
- Nurturing relationships
- Relationships are often overlooked but are the #1 factor for longevity
- Technology's impact on mental health is becoming more recognized
- Small daily choices compound to affect overall wellbeing
The Fifth V: Vision (53:02)
Vision involves actively planning for happiness and celebrating both small and large wins. Dr. Joseph shares specific tools to help people develop their vision.
- Time Capsule Exercise:
- Include items representing future goals
- Add sensory elements (pictures, objects)
- Set a date to review progress
- Makes abstract goals concrete
- Calendar Exercise:
- Deliberately schedule joy
- Color code positive activities
- Create accountability
- Set boundaries around enjoyable time
Women's Mental Health Considerations (1:00:24)
Dr. Joseph discusses specific challenges women face regarding mental health and happiness.
- Contributing factors:
- Hormonal changes (menstruation, pregnancy, menopause)
- Multiple life roles and responsibilities
- Higher rates of trauma
- Societal expectations
- Importance of planning around hormonal cycles
- Need for additional support during vulnerable periods
- Value of understanding biological influences on mood
Conclusion
Dr. Joseph emphasizes that mental health belongs to everyone, whether or not they have a diagnosed condition. The 5 V's framework provides a research-backed approach to accessing greater happiness by removing internal blocks and creating personalized strategies for wellbeing. Success comes from:
- Taking a tailored approach based on individual needs
- Starting with one V rather than trying all at once
- Viewing happiness as accumulated "points of joy" rather than a destination
- Being patient and consistent with the process
- Understanding that medication may be part of the solution but isn't the whole answer