January 25, 2025 • 40min
3 Questions That Determine Who You Really Are
The Mel Robbins Podcast
Key Takeaways
- Three powerful questions that reveal who you really are:
- "If someone was going to pay you a million dollars to do this, how would you do it?" - Reveals untapped potential and excellence
- "At age 80, will I regret not doing this?" - Helps make difficult decisions aligned with your values
- "Who is going to be the love of my life today?" - Sets the foundation for all relationships
- Excellence and potential are accessed through imagining higher stakes and standards
- Long-term perspective helps remove short-term fears and obstacles from decision-making
- Self-love and self-respect set the bar for how others treat you
- You never regret taking risks and betting on yourself - you only regret not trying
Introduction
In this episode, Mel Robbins shares three transformative questions that help reveal your true character, values, and potential. Through stories and examples from Terry Crews, Jeff Bezos, and Viola Davis, she illustrates how these questions can provide clarity, motivation, and the courage to make difficult decisions.
Topics Discussed
Terry Crews' Million Dollar Question (10:20)
Terry Crews shares how he used a powerful mental framework while working as a janitor after leaving the NFL. He asked himself one simple question that changed everything.
- The Question: "Imagine if someone was going to give me a million dollars to sweep this floor - how would you sweep it?"
- Used this mindset to tap into excellence in every job, from security guard to filing clerk
- Created a habit of excellence that carried through his entire career
- Revealed hidden potential and capacity that wasn't being utilized
Creating Habits of Excellence (15:22)
Crews explains how small changes and consistent habits led to bigger transformations in his life.
- Started with incremental changes rather than dramatic ones
- Built consistency through daily practices, even when just showing up
- Maintained high standards regardless of the task
- "These things are what I call incremental. It's not one big giant thing. For me, it was always one little message, one little thing." - Terry Crews
Jeff Bezos' Regret Minimization Framework (24:45)
Jeff Bezos shares the decision-making framework he used when deciding to leave his Wall Street job to start Amazon.
- The Question: "At age 80, will I regret not trying this?"
- Helps remove short-term obstacles from decision-making
- Focuses on long-term satisfaction rather than immediate comfort
- Reveals what truly matters versus temporary fears
Understanding Regret (29:15)
Bezos reflects on the nature of regret and how it influences decision-making.
- Biggest regrets are usually acts of omission - paths not taken
- 100% chance of regret for not trying
- 0% chance of regret for trying and failing
- "In most cases, our biggest regrets turn out to be acts of omission, its paths not taken, and they haunt us." - Jeff Bezos
Viola Davis on Self-Love (39:15)
Viola Davis shares profound wisdom about the most important relationship in your life.
- The Question: "Who is going to be the love of my life today?"
- Foundation for all other relationships starts with self-love
- Importance of creating boundaries and self-advocacy
- How you treat yourself sets the standard for how others treat you
Implementing Self-Love (41:15)
Practical ways to demonstrate self-love and maintain healthy boundaries.
- Speak kindly to yourself
- Take care of your body and needs
- Don't chase people who don't choose you
- Maintain clear boundaries
- Focus on what truly matters
Conclusion
These three questions serve as powerful tools for self-discovery and personal growth:
- The million-dollar question reveals your capacity for excellence
- The regret minimization framework helps make aligned decisions
- The self-love question sets the foundation for all relationships
By regularly asking yourself these questions, you can tap into greater potential, make better decisions, and create stronger relationships - starting with yourself. As Mel emphasizes, you have more potential, excellence, courage, and capacity than you're currently accessing, and these questions can help you unlock it.